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That’ll Cost Ya
It is very clear when we browse through the clothes at Nordstrom Rack exactly what it will cost us to get that fabulous pair of jeans. Whatever the tag says will tell you once and for all what that will cost you. Not so with our friends and acquaintances.
Many relationships ebb and flow, and with that goes the cost of sharing information. Imagine that you feel close to someone you don’t know all that well. You might even be trying to impress them or get in with the cool mommies - something I have long since given up on. So you share a juicy rumour that you heard from a very reliable source, your friend’s cousin’s ex-wife.
Or you may share something very personal about yourself. You may reveal something you did long before you were married that may or may not have resulted in a misdemeanor. You might reveal that you are a frienemy to a mutual acquaintance or share inappropriate financial information.
A few weeks later you notice your friend is distant. She is too busy to meet for coffee and her child has taken up kick boxing and is never available for a play date. You immediately start to panic. You have no idea what she will do with the private information you shared. Will she tell her new BFF? Will it be an agenda item at the Parent Teacher Organization? What will it cost you?
We all have very close long term friends that we share all sorts of things with. These people have stood the test of time and have earned our trust. Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold - not my words, but that of a Girlscout song. You can be fairly confident that none of them will be putting your tummy tuck in the alumni newsletter. If for no other reason, than you have a huge pile of dirt on them. It costs less to tell them your innermost dirt because you have a trust and an insurance policy that binds you together.
Even with your own family, sharing things can cost you. When I was younger and had a fight with my friend at school, I told my mother all sorts of things about this girl. Some of them were even true. Of course two days later we were friends and I invited her to my house. My mother only had this image of a she-devil who wanted to socially ruin her daughter. You cannot hide the evil eye of your mother. There is really no way to explain to the friend why my mother was so cold.
Sharing is an important part of life, without it we cannot connect with others. But because these connections are both valuable and fragile, we better be aware of the cost.
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