Finding Diana

An everyday woman's guide to figuring out what the hell happened to her life



Welcome to my world.  I am trying to figure out what became of me and I want to share this agonizing journey with the general public.

Please feel free to comment, but not to judge.  Ok, well we will all be judging, but just don't let me know about it.


Oh, the unimaginable frustrations of trying to make someone else do something.  My son does not want to do his summer book report.  This sounds like a small thing, but it's not. It's a symbol of the overall frustration many people, especially women, feel everyday.  

In this case, my son avoids the work, causing me to nag, nag, nag.  I can't do it for him, so I feel powerless and enraged and resentful.  This is also how I feel about housework that others are supposed to do that doesn't get done.  I don't want to be a nag, so if I don't say anything and let him face the natural consequences, he will suffer.  I let this happen when the consequences aren't too bad.  But when you are starting a new school and you really need the practice writing, it requires nagging.

It is a very frustrating feeling to feel powerless to make something happen that you feel responsible for.  It makes me feel resentful and upset that I have all the pressure and none of the tools to make it happen.  When I do have the means, I get stuff done.  A lot of stuff.  Crazy amounts of stuff.  I can make elaborate dinners on short notice, stay up with children completing assignments deep into the night, arrange for complex carpools, and plan a birthday party - all in the same day.  Without the obstacle of having to depend on someone else to do their part, I can move mountains.

I know that makes it sound like I don't like to share.  Not true.  I would much rather be a cog in the wheel than have to reinvent it all the time.  Its also not that I am a control freak.  I am very happy to let the other ladies run school events and I can volunteer to be bossed about.  I don't feel the need to add my two cents because my responsibility is limited to the task that I am handling.  

So when can I relax and not have to be held hostage by the crushing amount of responsibility?  I guess thats what the retirement home is for.

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