Finding Diana

An everyday woman's guide to figuring out what the hell happened to her life



Welcome to my world.  I am trying to figure out what became of me and I want to share this agonizing journey with the general public.

Please feel free to comment, but not to judge.  Ok, well we will all be judging, but just don't let me know about it.


Resolutions are all around us now that the new year has begun.  I personally hate them.  I think they are setting us up for failure.  Why put so much pressure on ourselves?  Now that we are done over eating and over spending, don't you think that we would automatically know to cut back a bit?

Apparently not, because every commercial on TV, in the paper and on line is about fulfilling those resolutions.  There are three main ones, in this order: losing weight, saving money and meeting your mate.  I am very fortunate not to have to worry about number three.  Although the idealized commercials of new couples meeting through dating sites and falling instantly in love doesn't help when you and your spouse are dealing with the effects of all that over eating and over spending.  I learned never to say "Honey, do these pants make me look fat"  Because I know in my husband's head he is thinking.."Its not the pants, it's what's in the pants" but he would never live long enough to finish that sentence if he uttered it out loud.

So, what about problems one and two.  I am always very tempted to go ahead and order the Nutrisystem.  After all, you can eat pizza and chocolate desserts and lose  at least 20 pounds.  They must be magical because I eat plenty of pizza and chocolate desserts and somehow, never lose weight.  Therefore, these foods from Nutrisystem are magical.    Well, a few years ago I actually went ahead and ordered nutrisystem.  The foods are in fact magical, but not because of mystical powers.  They are magical because the portions are so small they disappear before you can even taste them.  I have no idea if there pizza was good.  I needed a microscope to find it on my plate.  I'm pretty sure an ant walked off with it before I could get a bite.

The chocolate desserts were worse.  You mix them with water (yum) and a thick goo appears.  It looked more like an expensive facial than a dessert.  Still, I tried to eat it. It was vile.  It tasted more like a facial than food.  All of that left me not only hungry, but angry.  Of course for me those are the same things.  If I am hungry, I'm angry and if I'm angry, I eat.  Go figure.  Not a great combination.    It's a bad day if I was taking hits of Gerber's baby food because it looked better than the Nutrisystem.  Mashed green beans never looked so good.  Besides, how much nutrients do my children really need?  They could live with a little less if I could feed my pureed food habit.

It was then I realized that this wasn't going to work for me.  Time to try something else.  I know Weight Watchers is the only real program that works, but it takes time, energy and commitment.  I never have all three of these at the same time.  In my head, I commit and spend time planning on how great I will feel if I could knock off a few pounds.  But I lack the energy to carry it out.  Other times I will have the energy, but lack the commitment.

Oh well, I guess I will have to resolve to put less pressure on myself and not obsess over these things.  There is no use pouring energy into a lose-lose situation, unless one of the loses is weight and the other is self-doubt.

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